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Chronicals of Ted, From Accounting. Part 1. Chapter I.
Mullanaphy! | Ridiculous!, Drama, Suspense | 0 comments
Ever get one of those headaches that feels like some one is going to town on your ovaries with sandpaper? Even when you're a man? Yeah that's what I have and with each ticking minute it just gets worse. Out of oxycontin and this bomb isn't going to defuse its self. / Luckily it's now just me and the bomb. Everyone important is out of the way, so if I fail it'll only take me with it. No significant loss. Although I hope people will at ...
Behind the Strip Club
Buttermilk Baby | Romance | 1 comment
I pressed her against the alley wall. Against the cool brick, squeezing her ass in one hand, holding the back of her neck with the other. We wrestled with our mouths for what seemed like hours. Half sweating, half freezing in the breezy autumn dusk, she pulled her lips away long enough to get out one demand, "Tell me it's real..." / "Not on your life bitch," I forced back, but not as hard as I forced my tongue down her throat. And that was good enough for her. / Amidst the passion, ...
Ode of Herring Jack
Shitwincer | Romance | 2 comments
"She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen," he said, weeping on the john in a truck stop Waffle house. His name was Herring Jack, he had a warrant for his arrest, and broken heart full of forbidden love the size of a jelly jar reserved for a single person. / "Are you gonna tell me a story?" said a tiny tin voice coming from either a small boy or a confused little girl using the urinal next to him. His first choice was correct, as he managed to gather all his remaining strength and tilt ...
Marriage Saver
Mullanaphy! | Comedy, Ridiculous!, Romance | 2 comments
"Make love to me." / Alright, no complaints here. Well maybe just one, why is she dressed as Walter Cronkite? "Hey, what are you dressed as Walter Cronkite?" / "What do you mean?" replied the sexiest Walter ever; she even has that sexy comb over going. "This is how I always look. The look you feel in love with." / Bollox, I've never loved anything other than myself, and bacon, and cocktail weenies, man do I love those little cocktail weenies. ...
Closure
Shitwincer | 1 comment
"And that was no doubt one of the weirdest things I've ever seen." Fox said, curled up on the seat next to mine crafting some odd looking sculpture. Strange what a man will confess when sitting at a potter's wheel, but who am I to judge, especially when he's reenacting the movie ghost with some girl who looks remarkably like Patrick Swayze. Accept for the mustache she was sporting, of course. / "You haven't even told me the story yet," I replied, hoping he ...
Song of the Sandwich
Cardboard Warmachine | 1 comment
Song of the Sandwich / A modest chronicle of 'The Bloody Brunch' / "All the vitamin-C in the world won't save you now," gloated Citragi. He swaggered towards Sandwich, pounding a chubby fist into his mottled palm. / "I'm gonna beat you into a pulp!" / Sandwich stood stock still, holding a hand to his side. Between his fingers he could feel the cold pressure of mayo ebbing out of his body. He had lost a lot, and was starting to feel lightheaded. Despite the avulsion that marred his side, ...
Apartment 4C
Buttermilk Baby | Comedy, Ridiculous! | 4 comments
It wasn't because his mustache was two inches thick, and it wasn't because he spent his whole day off watching Lifetime movies. He was feeling ill because he downed an entire box of Lamisil. "Digger" the dermatophyte had been taking his ass to the bank all week, and between a re-make of "Rosemary's Baby" and "As Illinois Sleeps" he went to the medicine cabinet. / It was a small cabinet. Rusted metal with a cracked mirror-plated front. He had gotten used to ...