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Video Poker
One Armed Ninja | Action | 1 comment
I was down, down getting my kicks.... at the ritz, when a young man dropped a plate of tacos on the floor. I stood up and stabbed him in the Coat Rack with my salad fork. Salads are for fags anyway. I sliced that mother all the way to his gross mug. Then I punched his sister. Before I knew it, I was on a rampage, and it was awesome. I flipped the kids table over and made them eat their stupid crayons. They give out Blue... Yellow... Green... thats it. Thats all you get. How? How I ask, can you make a ...
No Bones about it.
One Armed Ninja | Ridiculous! | 1 comment
Late the other night there was a knock at my window. When I looked outside my dog was dead. I grabbed a knife out of the kitchen and went outside. I noticed something sticking out of my dog's mud flap. I pulled it out slowly, but pretty fast. It was a note that read, "meet me in shoprite next to the frozen foods at 4pm tomorrow." I couldn't sleep all night. I was masterbaiting. The next day I went to shoprite full of cum and sweat. A woman with no breast a beard and a dick was there. She ...
Best Part of Waking Up
One Armed Ninja | Ridiculous! | 1 comment
If I had 75 cents for everytime I woke up with another mans arms around me while his body lay in the other room, well I'd be expecting my first check for 75 cents in the mail within the next few days. What the hell happened here?! It's not like me to set up a crime scene in my own home. There is a thumpa dump bump at the door and I'm not sticking around for any compa rump hump, if you know what I mean. I throw a few cans of air freshener in the microwave and press the picture of ...
Shut Up Howie.
One Armed Ninja | Ridiculous! | 2 comments
Something smells. I woke up sweatier than my dad's balls after a long hard dick at work. Someone turned the heat up and it wasn't me. I'm too freaking short to reach the the thermostat. I open the door slowly and peaked into the hall. My tiny shirmplet peaked too. Just then Dessert Storm rolled out of my shorts. No friendly fire in that soft batch, I thought to myself. I giggled for about five minutes at my Desert Storm joke, then dragged a chair from the kitchen table to ...
The Suit
Shitwincer | Mystery | 0 comments
He sat on the floor in a cuss-huffing daze, like a pilgrim caught with the thanksgiving cornucopia wedged in the wrong porthole. This was definitely and unquestionably the worst 15 seconds of his life, and they continued bumbling as an inchworm crossing the freeway. No matter what, he was fucked, simple and clean. His costume, the one he had spent hours tailoring had been reduced to shambles, and like this fabric, he wished to run something through a paper shredder, probably flesh and blood. Gozz ...
Apartment 4D
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Romance | 2 comments
"I told you, no. I just found him like that. Why does he smell so bad, is he like, decomposing," Lips questioned, "Because I know that they start to decompose after time, and well..." The officer cut him off mid-sentence. / "No sir, he's not decomposing. Your neighbor, Mr. Barton has already told us that Mr. Sansom was helping unclog his toilet just before passing." / "Ugh. Again?" Lips could see Miggy down the hall and yelled to him over the ...
Billy's Love Song
Mullanaphy! | Ridiculous! | 3 comments
Hey there you wearing the blue, / I wrote this song just for you, / because I want to rub your body down with bacon, / to a point were I'm just aching. / The feel of the grizzle, / the heat of the sizzle, / making even Snoop Dogg fo*shizzle. / (chorus) / I don't know if you're a guy or a girl, / or even if you're gay or straight, / but I just want to get inside you, / Oh, my sweet vixen in blue. / So my vixen what do you say? / If you're a guy please say that ...
He's Got Hot Legs
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous! | 0 comments
It was five minutes until the dance-off and I was sweating buckets. My palms were like potato pancakes, and I'm not even going to explain the marshland in my briefs. The contest is annual, but this is the first time Donny Hot Thighs takes the stage. Gotta show 'em, gotta show 'em what this greaser can do. And not "greaser" in the traditional sense. I'm Italian, Italian as hell, and well, you get the point. / I made my way to the judge's booth, offering ...
Everyone Loves Jitters
Mullanaphy! | Drama, Horror, Suspense | 0 comments
"They're everywhere!" / Mor was right, they were everywhere. If this story had started any sooner we probably would've heard him first cry "Mother of God, damn these vampires..." But we didn't so he might not have actually said that. / "What should we do sir?" surprisingly calm question coming from Jitters. "We're down to three stakes and the sun is setting fast." / "Damn these mothers." / Looking around Kevin could only muster up "I say we hightail it back to the covenant ...
Re: cure for herpes simplex virus.
1922-1993 | Sci-Fi | 3 comments
I haven't had a cold sore since I decided to scorch my own taco last february. Dear Diary, life sucks in a big way. Last night, eight men swarmed me throat for 10 minutes each. I then swallowed all eight loads in succession (ascending from chode to basking shark). This is poetry. /