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Dear Diary, Part 1
Mullanaphy! | Ridiculous!, Action, Comedy | 3 comments
Dear Diary, / / Today was another good day. I woke up around 7:00am? Maybe pm, I'm not sure. Which ever one is the one where the sun is setting. Doesn't really matter, only thing that does is the fact there was a bowl of golden grahams waiting for me. / / Well, next came the shower. This time I figured to save time and water by showering completely clothed. Now I won't have to do a load of laundry. I'm so smart aren't I Diary? Of course I am. / / After ...
Home of the Dead (Patrick Lives Here)
1922-1993 | Drama, Horror, Romance | 4 comments
Home of the Dead (Patrick Lives Here) / Channel / three, my most dreaded channel. I change to channel two-o-one...this / channel is deadly. Souls of unborn chickens live in the mother hen's / gut-pouch. She shields these worried ghosts from a society that eats / meat, national geographic. It is April, it is April now. The seasons / fall down like a woman in a walker falling down the stairs, or like a / woman falling out the window. She dies, the funeral is in August. It is / April, it is now April. ...
What is murder?
Lash Leroux | Ridiculous!, Action | 6 comments
The Tremendous Twelve. Perkin's contribution to western civilization. Four pancakes, three eggs (cooked to order), four links of slightly frozen sausage, and hash browns. I pushed back a plate that looked like it just came out of the dishwasher. Expressionless, I slapped two fives down right in a puddle of syrup. They were the old fives, where Lincoln looked mid-shart. I stood up deliberately, adjusted my tie, and walked into the too-cold November night. / My mind was empty. It should have ...
All we are is crust in the wind
ill blitz in your mouth | Romance | 6 comments
I wake up to a luscious biscuit roasting in my toilet, i forgot to flush last night. out from my bathroom also known as the little town of richard scary a horrific smell lurks into to my presence a sent so distinguished so graceful it made my lips chap on contact and there is nothing better. i walk into my bathroom to find a well sculpted beach chillin in my toilet i swear the was a shell in there i flush my art work down the toilet like i do about 4 to 5 times every day after that i proceed to sleep on ...
Apartment 4B
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy | 2 comments
The key never fit quite right, so Miggy had to insert it, tilt it, and jiggle it through the whole turn. It was a process, but over the last seven years he'd gotten used to it. Ever since his apartment was burglarized he'd taken home security deathly serious. Five locks in all, climbing the side of the door like a brass and copper bolted ladder. / Oddly enough the only thing stolen that fateful night was Miggy's vintage collection of Swank magazine, but the bandit had ...
Cutlery
Shitwincer | Drama, Ridiculous! | 3 comments
After I wrote that stupid Proclaimers song, I thought I'd be / the third musketeer in a sudden Swedish pop sensation. Contrary to this, my dreams were about to / fade like the demand for white wash jeans. / The elephant graveyard in my closet made me a tabloid monster, fresh off / the cover of Weekly World News. The / paparazzi would be here any minute, beating me to death with flash photography, / siphoning my soul onto collector's lithographs, sticking me on a Wheaty's box ...
Seduced
Mullanaphy! | Comedy, Ridiculous!, Romance | 3 comments
"You're trying to seduce me, hot." / "No, I'm trying to rob you. Hence the knife and me saying 'give me your money bitch'." / "Oh I see what you're saying, you really want me and would love to tenderize my dark, sweaty, meaty body but you're afraid of what society, and in particular your mother's opinions on this matter." / "Again, give me your money or I'll cut you whore." / "Yeah, ...
The Power of the Dark Side
Cardboard Warmachine | Comedy, Sci-Fi | 1 comment
"Governor Tarkin, I recognized your foul stench the moment you came / on board," Gregory mused to himself, carefully untying the balloon that / housed his latest achievement. He tipped the contents into his palm; a / four inch plastic replica of Moff Tarkin, fresh "out of the box" as it / were. / After disposing of Tarkin's thoroughly used vessel, and placing the / figure carefully back into it's vintage carrying case, Gregory wiped a / large handful of petroleum jelly away from his ...
Vessel Act 1: Turtle Doves pt. 1
Shitwincer | Suspense | 3 comments
With one eye open he held the pistol firmly between her / shoulder blades; he had most certainly caught her off guard with a flush of / surprise. He hadn't expected this / intervention this early in timeline, and even less likely in the means that / brought them together. This time, he had / delivered silk pillows to her penthouse suite of the Wyndmere towers, mooring a / city where the haystack was high and the needles small. Immediately he had felt that rush, like many / times before, ...
Squirrel haiku
Cardboard Warmachine | 0 comments
-I live in a tree / Squirrels usually aren't gay / nuts are in my mouth / -A car comes at me / I should run in front of it / wish I had some nuts / -Raccoons are brazen / their masks bely their nature / raccoons are huge dicks / -Winter comes on fast / diligent are rewarded / rabies froths my jowls / -Children are armed well / paintballs graze me violently / I poop in their hair / -Mighty Owl takes flight / Damn owl ruins my scurrying / my skull is eaten /