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Apartment 4E
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy, Horror | 5 comments
"Shut the hell up, you fat bitch," he mumbled, clasping his hands over his ears in a vain attempt to silence the bestial cries. He started pumping his feet in aggravation, which lead to a flipped coffee table and subsequent spilled glass of orange juice. "Every Goddamn day, every, single, ONE!!!" His cries could be heard from the hall, but that didn't change a thing. / Theodore Grumfeld had lived the last month of his life in constant agony. Not because of sickness or ...
Truth
Mullanaphy! | Ridiculous!, Comedy | 2 comments
"Oh man, check this beast out!" I couldn't believe he just said that, deep down I don't think he believes it either. / "Yeah! My new Mac is the best. It has all the one button technology that any single man could ask for." Maybe he did believe it after all. / Looking in his hopeful eyes, the kind begging for approval, I decided to tell him what he wanted to hear. "Fuck that noise, might as well bought a cardboard box and drawn a unicorn on the side. ...
Kyle Johnson
One Armed Ninja | Suspense | 3 comments
Hi, my name is Kyle Johnson. This is my story. One day late last summer I was walking home from school and some older boys tricked me. Those ol' boys tricked me good they did. They said they found a wild panda and it needed milk and a warm pair of pants. They took me into a near by shed. The taller of the three boys said "take off you pants or the panda will freeze to death." "Ba..ba ba but it's 95 degrees out." I replied. He smacked my face hard and said, "Fuck yeah it is, so get ...
Heavenly Pelvis
Lash Leroux | Ridiculous!, Romance | 1 comment
Last night I had the best make-up sex of my life. I wore lipstick and eye liner, and my wife went crazy with blush. Actually, she just used the lipstick to paint two red circles on her cheeks. It was incredible. / We had just gotten over our latest fight. It was our worst to date. Things were said that will never be undone. She called me a jerk and I said she meant "less to me than a terd resembling Regis Philbin." I guess we both deserved such harsh words. After all, I did miss our anniversary ...
Saint Butchley
Buttermilk Baby | Action, Comedy, Ridiculous! | 1 comment
SAINT BUTCHLEY / I never would have guessed I'd be in this situation yesterday. It's crazy. The last twenty-four hours have been nothing like anything I ever imagined. I stand here, on the edge of a New York high rise holding a nude infant in my left hand, and a piece of fried chicken in my right. Choppers hover above blazing spotlights in my eyes and whirling blades in my eardrums. Police are down below shouting up at me. I can't really hear them. Thirty floors ...
Dear Diary, Part 1
Mullanaphy! | Ridiculous!, Action, Comedy | 3 comments
Dear Diary, / / Today was another good day. I woke up around 7:00am? Maybe pm, I'm not sure. Which ever one is the one where the sun is setting. Doesn't really matter, only thing that does is the fact there was a bowl of golden grahams waiting for me. / / Well, next came the shower. This time I figured to save time and water by showering completely clothed. Now I won't have to do a load of laundry. I'm so smart aren't I Diary? Of course I am. / / After ...
Home of the Dead (Patrick Lives Here)
1922-1993 | Drama, Horror, Romance | 4 comments
Home of the Dead (Patrick Lives Here) / Channel / three, my most dreaded channel. I change to channel two-o-one...this / channel is deadly. Souls of unborn chickens live in the mother hen's / gut-pouch. She shields these worried ghosts from a society that eats / meat, national geographic. It is April, it is April now. The seasons / fall down like a woman in a walker falling down the stairs, or like a / woman falling out the window. She dies, the funeral is in August. It is / April, it is now April. ...
What is murder?
Lash Leroux | Ridiculous!, Action | 6 comments
The Tremendous Twelve. Perkin's contribution to western civilization. Four pancakes, three eggs (cooked to order), four links of slightly frozen sausage, and hash browns. I pushed back a plate that looked like it just came out of the dishwasher. Expressionless, I slapped two fives down right in a puddle of syrup. They were the old fives, where Lincoln looked mid-shart. I stood up deliberately, adjusted my tie, and walked into the too-cold November night. / My mind was empty. It should have ...
All we are is crust in the wind
ill blitz in your mouth | Romance | 6 comments
I wake up to a luscious biscuit roasting in my toilet, i forgot to flush last night. out from my bathroom also known as the little town of richard scary a horrific smell lurks into to my presence a sent so distinguished so graceful it made my lips chap on contact and there is nothing better. i walk into my bathroom to find a well sculpted beach chillin in my toilet i swear the was a shell in there i flush my art work down the toilet like i do about 4 to 5 times every day after that i proceed to sleep on ...
Apartment 4B
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy | 2 comments
The key never fit quite right, so Miggy had to insert it, tilt it, and jiggle it through the whole turn. It was a process, but over the last seven years he'd gotten used to it. Ever since his apartment was burglarized he'd taken home security deathly serious. Five locks in all, climbing the side of the door like a brass and copper bolted ladder. / Oddly enough the only thing stolen that fateful night was Miggy's vintage collection of Swank magazine, but the bandit had ...