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Home of the Dead 4 (Preamble)
1922-1993 | Serious, Drama | 2 comments
The year is six hundred. The year is nineteen slash four. The year is also two thousand three (the worst year ever). The boardwalk is rotting and loaded with hunks. My boyfriend is a seagull. I'd been pretending to drink beers (ocean water) for two hours and was wrecked, like a pheonix wearing red sun glasses, who was wrecked. I stumbled (more like materialized) into the arcade and immediately felt the energy from a girl's crotch. / / "Oh," I spake, "I can feel the ...
This is TECHNICOLOR
Shitwincer | Ridiculous!, Comedy | 2 comments
I am TECHNICOLOR, rival and arch-nemesis of the common folk, / I don't flush, and I will always give you cancer. Armed with my trusty capped Chevy Conquista, / and an infinite set of Teflon frying pans, we ride the skies and are worshipped / by half of Norway. My origin is quite a / tale, one not audible in American tongue, but there's involvement of owls / mating, and several, several games of strip poker with Ronald Regan. My smack is so fresh; I turn newborns to / prostitution, ...
The Fight Before Christmas (Part 1)
Cardboard Warmachine | Ridiculous!, Action, Comedy | 0 comments
Twas the night before Christmas / and twas nary a sound / save for Santa's derision / as he spat on the ground. / His fat ass was tied / with great skill to a chair / as he stared down the muzzle / of a kodiak bear. / The beast on a chain / was held back by a man / with a patch on his eye / and a gun in his hand. / Aside from this villian / stood two other men, / a short one in workboots; / with a pad and a pen / The other stood tall / with a boxcutter knife, / waving a picture / of Santa ...
Apartment 3A
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy, Romance | 3 comments
"My life is anguish, my life is blood, I am Weeping Willow," or so his MyFace profile proclaimed. He frequented the online friends forum so much he had lost all use for a social life. In his opinion it wasn't gone, it was just digital, like everything else is in this day and age. But the truth was with the exception of school and an occasional AFI concert, he only left his apartment for six hours in the last two months. And that was when he was performing his time behind the wheel ...
Apartment 4A
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy, Drama | 6 comments
Shynikki21: my neighbor is a filthy whore / hornyXcav8tor: hot / Shynikki21: no, its disgusting / hornyXcav8tor: ur turning me on. / Shynikki21: ... / hornyXcav8tor: lets see em :) / She sighed slightly and adjusted the small camera mounted to her monitor. She pulled her pink t-shirt up over her head and threw it to the floor. She took one last second to see if maybe he'd stop her from going any further. But in the six months she'd been at this "new job" of hers no one ...
Dirty Socks and Such
Buttermilk Baby | Ridiculous!, Comedy, Fantasy | 3 comments
It all started at around six twenty one on a Tuesday. I was sitting on my couch eating a pack of Rolo's. The couch is covered with dog hair. Regular Rolo's, not the spicy kind. I do not have a dog either. Just as everything was going good I dropped one on the floor. I bent down to pick it up but was stopped by a knock at the door. / I opened the door. I was staring out at a beautiful red-head. She was not a man. Her mouth was made of solid gold like a movie ...
the Fire Toadstool
1922-1993 | Ridiculous!, Sci-Fi | 4 comments
I was working for the / weekend the other night when a policeman approached me. "I'm gonna need / a table," he said. The thought of moving a muscle for an officer of the / law made me want to die. "I want to die," I told him. He looked at me / like I'd just told him I wanted to die. There's a moral to this story. / I saw him leave the building later that night drunk past the test. / Suddenly I made a wish that that officer would die in a car accident on / the way home. Suddenly I ...
Home of the Dead 3
1922-1993 | Ridiculous!, Romance | 1 comment
Home of the Dead (The Rhyming Years) / It / sure was nighttime. The trees were dark, the walls were dark, etcetera, / etcetera. Patrick arrived home from the fields, but I could not see him / (it was pitch black, you shit head). I began to realize that Patrick / owned the odor of man. Previously, I believed 1922-1993 to be a man of / very little stench, if you catch my drift. So help me, this smell was / so strong that it knocked the creatures from my features. / "Holy smelly," I said, "you smell / ...
Home of the Dead 2 (Texas Peck)
1922-1993 | Serious, Romance | 3 comments
Home of the Dead 2 (Texas Peck) / Now / the sky was beginning to turn the color purple as 1922-1993 and I / numbered the days. I felt as though Patrick was beginning to grow tired / of taking care of me; carting me around, washing my hair, feeding me, / covering my body in maple syrup. And while I'll have to admit 1922-1993 / gave one of the meanest awful waffles, I was growing concern for the / poor guy. I decided that I would use the disability money I had / collected to take 1922-1993 to the ...
The Man With the Orange Pod
Lash Leroux | Ridiculous!, Sci-Fi | 5 comments
It happened in sixth grade. I was sipping Sprite at the school dance when I sensed someone fast approaching. It was some curly bitch who lost her virginity at age ten and would inevitably become a lesbian. To this day I don't know what I did to piss her off. All I know is that she called me the dirtiest word I have ever heard in my life just before punting my tenders into my abdominal recess. / A wheeze turned into a low, guttural moan. It was barely audible over Coolio's bass. I had ...