Writings » Marriage Saver

Marriage Saver

By Mullanaphy! at 2007-10-11 | Comedy, Ridiculous!, Romance | Printable version

            "Make love to me."

            Alright, no complaints here.  Well maybe just one, why is she dressed as Walter Cronkite? "Hey, what are you dressed as Walter Cronkite?"

            "What do you mean?" replied the sexiest Walter ever; she even has that sexy comb over going.  "This is how I always look.  The look you feel in love with."

            Bollox, I've never loved anything other than myself, and bacon, and cocktail weenies, man do I love those little cocktail weenies.  "Listen woman, I think.  I have no idea what you're blabbering on about.  I fell in love with Cronkite's mastery of news journalism, not his sleazy, grizzly, looks."

            "You hurt me Al, I cook for you, I wash your dime collections, hell I even killed our neighbors for you."

            "Oh, is that why I no longer get heckled by the Jeffersons every time I take out the trash.  Smooth."

            "See?  See what I sacrifice for you?  For us?!?!"

            Damn it, she has a point.  Also has the key to these here handcuffs.  Should've learned the lesson from "Gerald's Game", don't get kinky with handcuffs in a failing marriage.  Too late now I suppose.

            "If I can't have you, than I'll kill myself!"

            Woah, now things are finally starting to heat up.  If only Action Jackson was playing on the television.  Then Margie would truly get the ride of her life.  I'm talking about back breaking whiplash.

            "I've already locked the kids in their room.  Just need to light this match Al, than you can be free of me.  That is until the house caves in from the fire.  Yes, the fire..."

            "Oh baby, you've already started a fire, and I'm a willing powder keg ready to go off.  Even if you look like Cronkite and smell just like his jock strap."  Beautiful, that was poetry, probably the most romantic moment of my life.  Well, that's not including what I left in the toilet this morning.  Taco Tuesdays are the best.

            "Oh Al!  You're just saying that to try and spare your life."

            "Come on woman, you know how much infanticide turns me on.  Now take me, woman meat."

            "But I already have the matches, the kids are locked up, and I've already doused myself in gasoline."

            "Oh baby, I'm so hot right now!"

            "Well if you mean it..."

            "I do, oh baby, I do!"

            Finally, Margie is now getting into the right mind set.  She's going to need it because this is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride.

            "I should probably wash the gasoline off first, especially my eyes.  They're really starting to burn."

            "Leave it!  I want to lick those peepers clean off."

            And that ladies, is how you win your husband back.