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<channel><title>Final Sandwich</title>
<link>http://www.finalsandwich.com/</link>
<description>Most recent pieces of work.</description>
<copyright>Copyright 2008</copyright>

<docs>http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss</docs><item><title>Dear Johnny #2 - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ As most of the world probably already knows I used to have an ungoing help article section to help out troubled youths with their problems.  Much like Dear Abby but actually useful.  Heres an example, more to come! / Dear Johnny,I&#39;ve been having a serious problem. Everywhere I go, people want to know, who I am, so I must tell them. It gets very very annoying to have to constantly tell them. What should I do? Please suggest suicide. / Signed Depressed in NJ / Dear Depressed in NJ,Sure committing ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/85</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/85</guid>
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<pubDate>Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Dear Johnny #1 - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ As most of the world probably already knows I used to have an ungoing help article section to help out troubled youths with their problems.  Much like Dear Abby but actually useful.  Heres an example, more to come!Dear Johnny, / I have a problem. I work with the most beautiful girl in the world, but no matter how hard I try to get her to go out with me, she always has an excuse not to. First It was her kids; once I had them killed, suddenly she&#39;s too grief stricken to even consider dating. My ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/84</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/84</guid>
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<pubDate>Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Some Kind of Hero - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ She thanked me, threw her arms around me, and called me a hero. / No one had ever called me a hero before.  I certainly didn&#39;t have the credentials I assumed most heroes possessed.  My only memory of middle school is the time I sharted in Home Ec.  I had to think fast and spent the last thirty minutes of class sewing my shorts into pants.  Needless to say, I was suspended for two weeks.  High school wasn&#39;t much better.  I was voted "Most Likely to Spit in Someone&#39;s Food" in my ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/83</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/83</guid>
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<pubDate>Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>The American Dream - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Had a dream I was treating Data the Android for / post-traumatic stress.  Apparently, / scientologists believed he is the supreme space robot, even though he&#39;s Hollywood / plastic.  Not surprised. 1/32 to scaled / models, cardboard, and old buttons from prize cranes are convincing.  At his wits end.  Plans to paint hand grenades like Easter eggs / for children in the park.  Not a bad / idea, yet frowned upon.  Strangely / removed.  Not surprised.  Been hiding in the garment district where ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/82</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/82</guid>
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<pubDate>Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>The Smell of All Fear - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ His rotten teeth makes his sick mouth look like a zipper. Each time it unzips the horrors of my childhood come rushing back. I&#39;ve been watching this nasty bag of filth for about an hour now... still holding the first beer of the night. The site of his discolored  mouth rocks smashing bar peanuts into pulp is enough to make Arnold give birth... again. /      Well, I can&#39;t let that happen, because it is I who am pregant... with rage, and I&#39;m going into labor. One swing at the bar ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/81</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/81</guid>
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<pubDate>Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Deja Menollie) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ 1922-1993 felt drained, I mean, his condition was increasingly awful and extremely sexual.  We thought some good old-fashioned elbow grease might send a lightning bolt of hatred through his heart of sickness, so I drew up blue-prints for a dog house and we hit the grindstone, hats but no pants.  I drilled two three quarter inch holes in Patrick&#39;s chest; where his nipples once was - where his vagina once were.  Next, thrice parts copper tubing - inserted strongly in the butthole (to be no more ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/80</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/80</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 11 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>The Tear Jerker - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Archie Farchy made his living / Digging graves for fifty years. / For fifty years he filled those holes. / The Man Who Caused a Million Tears. / He touched boys of many ages / In a cave of many secrets. / Farchy took their fucking souls. / For fifty years he filled those holes. / He still has their fucking souls. / The Man Who Caused a Million Tears... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/79</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/79</guid>
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<pubDate>Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (A Chapter in Loss) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ On Monday morning around 3am, 1922-1993 was standing at the foot of my bed (which was a plastic racecar), reading from his book of original proverbs. / "Live now/create (remember that&#39;s "slash create," you little fuck), for soon your memory will be erased like a stepchild&#39;s             artwork," Patrick preached in a baritone register.  "Do not forsake the bake - pastry is tasty...thus, the lonely baker holds most     of the secrets." /     One good philosophical load of shit ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/78</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/78</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Legend of the Cactus Fondler. - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ "Caught at last Mr. Cactus Fondler!" / Now I know what you&#39;re thinking, Mr. Cactus Fondler isn&#39;t the most charming of nicknames.  Unfortunately in this case it rings true.  &amp;shy;You see I&#39;m a traveling man.  My main companion is the cold desert nights, and the cold nights can&#39;t warm you in the right way if you catch my drift. / Sure, traveling is great but sometimes a man must let his carnal needs run rampant.  So I&#39;ve enjoyed the rough prickly feel ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/76</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/76</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 04 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (The Potato Famine) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ I woke up as an irish boxer, rising and falling/triumph blah blah, so I changed all the outlet covers in the house; that&#39;s known as an update, jazzbreath, and it was a chore with those green boxing gloves getting in the way.  1922-1993 was smitten, like, totally fucking naked, thumb-tacking his bean bag to a sesame seed bun (his bun, a.k.a. his own ass, for lent).  I was like, "whatevs," while I wiped the sesame seeds off his old/poorly tattooed/over tattooed/miserable rear-end (everyone knows ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/75</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/75</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 30 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0500</pubDate></item><item><title>Some poems to break the silence - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ The Hat:I saw the dragon,wearing the yellow hat,I&#39;d hate to be bragging,but I ate the cat. / Showering\Touching:My body is naked,all muscled and bronzed,the water is rusted,and so are my palms. / Body awake:My eyes are throbbing,my heart is beating,my head is pounding,and my groin is bleeding. / Love Sonata #2:Your scleras are tight,perfectly white,Your pupils are blue,So I&#39;m gonna bang you.Love Sonata #17:I don&#39;t have an imagination,so I&#39;ll borrow someone else&#39;s ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/72</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/72</guid>
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<pubDate>Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Silent But Deadly... - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ I am a stealth assassin.  As I creep through the reeds, clad entirely in black, you would think I was a black hole on wheels or a very quiet elk or something.  As I approach my target, I pause to avoid being detected by the sound of my heart.  I coax that fist of cardio muscle into a lull with some soothing talk.  "Don&#39;t worry, baby.  I&#39;ve got a few hundred milligrams of sodium for you when this is all said and done.  Shhh, baby."  I put my finger to my throat.  I never could feel my own ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/71</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/71</guid>
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<pubDate>Sat, 09 Feb 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Shorty with no Patrick) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Last month in the forest, I spotted a dead body. She was cold, but her tits were frostbitten and half-eaten. "So," I says, "what&#39;s a girl like you doing with a face like that?" She looked at me blankly. I looked deep into her eye sockets, wondering who stole her eyes. The urge to purge came over me like a 60 foot redwood crashing through a camp cabin full of 1st graders. "Timber!" I yelled as I drained 4 kettles of piss into her ocular abyss.  Next time she&#39;ll remember to leave a trail ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/70</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/70</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Breakin&#39; Down the Wall of Fame - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Makin&#39; waves, it&#39;s all about makin&#39; waves. That&#39;s what I do. I create an epic force in order to keep things running smoothly. In my line of work, you have to realize something - people are afraid of change. That&#39;s why I take strides, baby. That&#39;s why I make decisions. Big decisions. Like rearranging the storage room. Like moving the eight foot tables, or, as I&#39;ve been known to call them, "the perfect sized tables for buttsex," like taking those ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/69</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/69</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 20 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Reinhard Tasty) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Feeling like a wretched spawn/useless victim, I took it upon myself to make 1922-1993 the supper of a lifetime.  I started by washing my filthy hands, only to molest four children in a row, vigorously.  Without missing a beat, I added a cup and a half of half and half, plus one entire bag of stale, shitty sour cream and onions.   /     "Out of my kitchen, you fucking coward!"  I screamed.  "You&#39;ll ruin my roast."    Patrick was peeking, and I was in no mood for tricks (or dicks), so I jammed ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/68</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/68</guid>
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<pubDate>Sat, 19 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Apartment 3B - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ His leg twitched slightly and he ran his tongue across the cloven surface of his upper lip.  He blinked once or twice and continued to lay there.  Motionless.  Basking in the warm, ruby glow of the neon light from across the alley.  It was the nightlight banner to the Chinese food restaurant, mere feet from his window; the "Harvest Moon."    The light massively plagued all the "B" apartments on floors one through four.  It would have cut a normal soul to shreds, but there was never anything ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/67</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/67</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 13 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (I, Protector) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Patrick grew obsessed with eliminating treachery from the music business; truly a man immersed in good cause.  1922-1993 garnered severe media coverage for his crusade when, in an unprecedented socio-political maneuver, he lit three dead birds on fire.  Thrilled with enthusiasm/raging peckers, I started a fanzine called "1922-1993: THE BASTARD OF THE CENTURY, HE&#39;S SO HOT."   /     I had one subscriber and I was swamped, so I fully staffed my zine-quarters with kidnapped Chinese three-year ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/66</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/66</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Sanchez Erectus, a.k.a. Mega) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ The search for undeniable freedom/liberty continued/led us to heresy/jobs as postal workers.  This was a special way for 1922-1993 and me to bone up on our mail bombs, off the gaydar.  I&#39;d come into contact with a few twinks named Obis and Richard, who had a rock super-group called "Shrouded in Darkness/Shrouded in Mysteries."  At this point, I realized the slashes were getting out of hand, so I abandoned the aforementioned tendencies in favor/honor of music with a message. /     Firstly, we ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/65</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/65</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Roasted Chicken) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Exhausted from an entire life of pain/misery, Patrick and I started up a construction company.  We spent months/minutes creating/agonizing over a company name that succeeded in reaching a vast demographic: "Sexual offerings in Conjunction with Lamb Slaughter Construction Men." /     We hired an army of Slavic peoples and broke ground with two sticks of dynamite in a Euro-Blacker family&#39;s mailbox.  Business was business, and the busy season was wrought with tragedy/sex.  In other words, our ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/64</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/64</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 11 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Black Metal) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Here&#39;s the thing about being in an orgy; you can&#39;t be unsure when it comes to swapping bodily fluids.  That kind of hesitation can cost you your life, and/or the life of your best friend, 1922-1993 (a.k.a. Patrick).  Furthermore, Patrick and I went out to dinner, and I mean we ordered the steaks...medium rare, like well done...Pittsburgh.  So I&#39;m trying to dine, and the fucking waitress dumps a pint of lager right in the toilet.  Like I said, we were in the ladies&#39; room ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/63</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/63</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 06 Jan 2008 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 4 (Preamble) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ The year is six hundred.  The year is nineteen slash four.  The year is also two thousand three (the worst year ever).  The boardwalk is rotting and loaded with hunks.  My boyfriend is a seagull.  I&#39;d been pretending to drink beers (ocean water) for two hours and was wrecked, like a pheonix wearing red sun glasses, who was wrecked.  I stumbled (more like materialized) into the arcade and immediately felt the energy  from a girl&#39;s crotch. /      /     "Oh,"  I spake, "I can feel the ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/62</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/62</guid>
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<pubDate>Thu, 27 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>This is TECHNICOLOR - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ I am TECHNICOLOR, rival and arch-nemesis of the common folk, / I don&#39;t flush, and I will always give you cancer.  Armed with my trusty capped Chevy Conquista, / and an infinite set of Teflon frying pans, we ride the skies and are worshipped / by half of Norway.  My origin is quite a / tale, one not audible in American tongue, but there&#39;s involvement of owls / mating, and several, several games of strip poker with Ronald Regan.  My smack is so fresh; I turn newborns to / prostitution, ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/61</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/61</guid>
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<pubDate>Thu, 13 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>The Fight Before Christmas (Part 1) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Twas the night before Christmas / and twas nary a sound / save for Santa&#39;s derision / as he spat on the ground. / His fat ass was tied / with great skill to a chair   / as he stared down the muzzle / of a kodiak bear. / The beast on a chain / was held back by a man / with a patch on his eye / and a gun in his hand. / Aside from this villian / stood two other men, / a short one in workboots; / with a pad and a pen / The other stood tall / with a boxcutter knife, / waving a picture / of Santa ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/60</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/60</guid>
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<pubDate>Tue, 11 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Apartment 3A - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ "My life is anguish, my life is blood, I am Weeping Willow," or so his MyFace profile proclaimed.  He frequented the online friends forum so much he had lost all use for a social life.  In his opinion it wasn&#39;t gone, it was just digital, like everything else is in this day and age.  But the truth was with the exception of school and an occasional AFI concert, he only left his apartment for six hours in the last two months.  And that was when he was performing his time behind the wheel ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/59</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/59</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 09 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Apartment 4A - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Shynikki21:  my neighbor is a filthy whore / hornyXcav8tor:  hot / Shynikki21:  no, its disgusting / hornyXcav8tor:  ur turning me on. / Shynikki21:  ... / hornyXcav8tor:  lets see em :) / She sighed slightly and adjusted the small camera mounted to her monitor.  She pulled her pink t-shirt up over her head and threw it to the floor.  She took one last second to see if maybe he&#39;d stop her from going any further.  But in the six months she&#39;d been at this "new job" of hers no one ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/58</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/58</guid>
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<pubDate>Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Dirty Socks and Such - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ It all started at around six twenty one on a Tuesday.  I was sitting on my couch eating a pack of Rolo&#39;s.  The couch is covered with dog hair.  Regular Rolo&#39;s, not the spicy kind.  I do not have a dog either.  Just as everything was going good I dropped one on the floor.  I bent down to pick it up but was stopped by a knock at the door. /             I opened the door.  I was staring out at a beautiful red-head.  She was not a man.  Her mouth was made of solid gold like a movie ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/57</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/57</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>the Fire Toadstool - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ I was working for the / weekend the other night when a policeman approached me. "I&#39;m gonna need / a table," he said. The thought of moving a muscle for an officer of the / law made me want to die. "I want to die," I told him. He looked at me / like I&#39;d just told him I wanted to die. There&#39;s a moral to this story. / I saw him leave the building later that night drunk past the test. / Suddenly I made a wish that that officer would die in a car accident on / the way home. Suddenly I ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/56</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/56</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 3 - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Home of the Dead (The Rhyming Years) / It / sure was nighttime. The trees were dark, the walls were dark, etcetera, / etcetera. Patrick arrived home from the fields, but I could not see him / (it was pitch black, you shit head). I began to realize that Patrick / owned the odor of man. Previously, I believed 1922-1993 to be a man of / very little stench, if you catch my drift. So help me, this smell was / so strong that it knocked the creatures from my features. / "Holy smelly," I said, "you smell /   ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/55</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/55</guid>
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<pubDate>Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>Home of the Dead 2 (Texas Peck) - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ Home of the Dead 2 (Texas Peck) / Now / the sky was beginning to turn the color purple as 1922-1993 and I / numbered the days. I felt as though Patrick was beginning to grow tired / of taking care of me; carting me around, washing my hair, feeding me, / covering my body in maple syrup. And while I&#39;ll have to admit 1922-1993 / gave one of the meanest awful waffles, I was growing concern for the / poor guy. I decided that I would use the disability money I had / collected to take 1922-1993 to the ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/54</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/54</guid>
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<pubDate>Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item><item><title>The Man With the Orange Pod - Final Sandwich</title><description><![CDATA[ It happened in sixth grade.  I was sipping Sprite at the school dance when I sensed someone fast approaching.  It was some curly bitch who lost her virginity at age ten and would inevitably become a lesbian.  To this day I don&#39;t know what I did to piss her off.  All I know is that she called me the dirtiest word I have ever heard in my life just before punting my tenders into my abdominal recess. / A wheeze turned into a low, guttural moan.  It was barely audible over Coolio&#39;s bass.  I had ... ]]></description><link>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/53</link><guid>http://finalsandwich.com/writings/53</guid>
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<pubDate>Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:00:00 -0600</pubDate></item></channel></rss>